I'm pretty proud of myself. Yes I know, cocky much? Well what I mean is, I'm comfortable with myself. I'm a realist with myself. What I'm trying to relay is this: I know I will never be a size 3 jean, or a size Small shirt. You know what, I'm totally comfortable with that. In fact I like having my hourglass of a body. So I complain about my thunder thighs, and in my Mother's words "A couple boobs going on" All in all I have to thank my wonderful genes for my figure.
I have been comfortable with the way I look all my life. There are people out there with all sorts of pill popping, eating, not eating disorders. The one thing I have never been comfortable with is my personality. I've swayed one way or the other my whole life trying to people please. Would you believe it, if I said I was done? Well I am. Its harder to be who you are in your core 100% of the time than it is to count calories for the week; well for me at least.
What has me filled to the brim and open eyed is I know people and situations that I have to speak a certain way to, or walk on egg shells around, dress a certain way, or not speak in general. Well, I am at fault for bending in so many directions for all these people and loosing myself in the process. Thus, making me uncomfortable with my personality. Trying to juggle the quiet, loud, humble, aggressive, modest, crazy facade from person to person is not worth it. People, I'm not saying that I'm a fake, or that I'm not myself around everyone. I just have realized that I'm a pretty darn good person with who I am; not including all those things to juggle and carry around.
That is what makes us all individual. This is part of me rooting myself in my path. Yes there are times that require tact, respect and softness; though, I will continually stand by my believes no matter the situation or the person. This will be a test of my strength as an individual. It will be an even greater test of relationships, friendships and situations. I pray that the times and people will see who I am, not who I've bent to be.
"So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil." Deuteronomy 11:13-14
Until Next Time,
Peace & Love
I love this post.
ReplyDeleteI've always admired your beauty Ashley. You've a perfect body in my eyes. As for that personality? You are wonderfully sweet and inquisitive and intuitive and I feel you always will be. That's possibly what I love about you most. That you care so much to..well, care.
Be you. Absolutely be the you who your husband loves and you can love too.
also, isn't it great to have a guy be forever in love with you? No matter how depressed/annoying/exhausting you are? I think it's pretty great.